The first time I realised that one is still a child at heart and that the very prospect of your parents getting divorced, your age notwithstanding, will affect you, I was 32.
Nobody ever told me that no matter how grown I was, I would still feel utterly crushed, that I would throw tantrums, be sad, upset and depressed and feel betrayed. I found out the hard way.
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Now, let me make it clear that my parents never got divorced, in
fact we just came back from a family holiday together, they talk some, fight some, mistrust each other some,
but I guess for whatever reason they seem to tolerate each other.
When I first found out about it, and I am the only person who knows that my mother asked for a divorce, I was devastated and sad for my father. I don’t even want to relive that period in my life, it was awful to say the least.
Nevertheless, almost a year later, loads of crying later, I am gradually accepting that it is a possibility. I have acquired more wisdom and I realise that it will hurt if it happens, but there is not much I can do about it. They are adults, just like I am and I just have to make a conscious choice to have a happy marriage which I will.
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I also made a conscious choice not to interfere in their business or take sides, which I had done throughout the ordeal. My peacemaking ends with me. I realised that sometimes, in trying to help and bring solace, one cannot prevent emotions from interfering. I am not married yet, but maybe there is a lot I am yet to understand. However, I constantly pray for a wonderful, wonderful soul, who will be my husband and the father of our beautiful children.
In the meantime I leave my parents to God, may God grant them the wisdom to make the right decisions. For myself I pray for peace and contentment with the decision that will be made.
