I love summer but buying a bikini really spoils my sunshine loving.
Here are a few reasons why I find bikini shopping and wearing a nightmare:
1) They cost a fortune: for a really nice design you have to pay R450 plus from surf shops, or otherwise prance around in a hideously ugly neon costume from cheaper stores. They draw even more unnecessary attention on the beach (which I usually try to avoid at all costs). How can something that’s only two bits of material cost so much?!
2) The tops and bottoms are usually made in the most random sizes: a top and bottom in one size doesn’t mean you will fit into it properly. The bottom will inevitably be too small cutting into your hips and thighs and the top too large or visa versa. Most places don’t allow you to pick and choose tops and bottoms. Why won’t shops realize that women don’t fit into set sizes or that we aren’t all matchstick thin.
3) When trying bikinis on in change rooms, there are usually very unflattering fluorescent lights which make you look hideous no matter how lovely you imagine yourself when you are super tanned and gorgeous.
4) You aren’t quite sure how much support you will be getting from this flimsy piece of material when you are dunked by a wave or whether the white will turn transparent once wet when choosing the bikini. It’s all up the first test swim to reveal all (and hopefully not your whole chest and bottom!)
5) Most bikinis have this hideous padding that makes women look like they have something shoved into their top half and don’t really provide much support for larger busts. Most of the time you have to worry about something popping out for half the beach to see.
6) Once you have paid half your savings on the bikini, it’s time for you to strut your stuff on the beach. If you live in Cape Town like me (model centre) you will have to strut in front of loads of other bikini wearers who will usually have a better body and tan than you, making you feel very insecure. You probably will feel like covering yourself in your towel anyway meaning no one will see it anyway!
7) You need to buy a new one every summer. Because of the nature of wearing the flimsy bits of material in sea water, chlorine, etc they usually stretch and go manky by the next season. So then it’s time to start the whole process again. By which time you will probably have become more body conscious and another year older.
Goodluck out there fellow bikini-haters, spot you on the beach hiding behind your towel!