The First Time ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ Made Sense

This one should be a short story…but maybe not considering it took me two years to get over the fact that this young man wrote (in  reply to my declaration of love) -“I’ve always seen you as a friend!” ouch, a nice way to say -sorry for you, you are in love alone. He is a cousin of a friend-I know him from varsity. I remember chatting about him before we met, I jinxed myself and said id take care of him. Me and my big mouth!  The first time we met – it was nothing magical – a well mannered guy, lovely chocolate dark skin, facial hair and a warm smile. The busyness of lectures, tutorials, cheese and wines, social sports, and church activities helped ease the knowing each other process.

It took me awhile to ‘fall for him’ or at least admit it. I must say, looking back he did try to let me down gently, I wouldn’t have it. We attended a formal function together; I was looking breath-takingly beautiful. One of the gentlemen remarked that I was ravishing. Do you think I even cared? My longing was for Mr. friend to say wow-Z you look nice or better still- ‘aah Z you are in the mix’ that’s what he would say if anything was good etc.

Looking back I was a stalker-obsessed if you ask me.  I even knew how he smelt. Yes, not his deodorant.  I don’t want to be admitted in the nearest mental institution. Bottom line-I should have believed the book: “He is just not that into you”. I had to read it twice to realize that it’s true ….’if he is not asking you out …he is JUST not that into you’. SOB SOB. Some guys are too amazing. So I wrote him a letter and told him my heart beats lumpy custard for him. He told me ‘I’ve always seen you as a friend’ . I can’t believe I can say that and not feel like I’ve been stabbed with 12 knives simultaneously. I guess its true, time (and being with someone that sees me as ‘more’ than a friend) has helped me heal.

It’s said love is blind-goodness so is unrequited love. The only good is that if I live long enough for grandkids, ill have a funny story to tell.

8 thoughts on “The First Time ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ Made Sense

  1. I ❤ this story and I ❤ that book. Although there are some exceptions (but we must never think we are one!! ;))

    I was also stalker-obsessed. I remember once walking past his res with my friends and we concocted some story why they couldn't walk with me to BP and he had to. I thought he saw right through it!!! But no. I also got the "friend" talk with this one – although only after we had kissed one another! At least years down the line I can blame it on my gender and not me! (he is now (or always was?) into men). So yeah, thanks for the story 🙂



  2. though we (girls) like hinting to guys, they obviously need to be straight forward with us otherwise we dont get it and we always live in hope that one day the lights will come on and they will see how special we are and choose us


  3. Nice story… the things we have done in the past can be shocking to reminisce about. I have been accused of hiding in the bushes in order to see the new girlfriend. I was merely enjoying gods green earth! : )


  4. Oh how we hav all pined after that love unreturned… But i dont kno wats harder bein let down or tryin 2 let someone down easy without hurtin them in the process, bottom line… Love is tough!


  5. I have decided that you cannot know if someone truely loves you until they have seen you ugly cry and still want to be with you =) Or if when you wake up in the morning and they don’t recoil at your “iv just had the best sleep of my life” face and instead tell you are pretty even though you know you have the “iv just had the best sleep of my life” face on =) then you know you are the exception and not the rule =)


  6. No! That book and the subsequent film is blatantly sexist! It basically says it is okay for a man to lead a woman on and then dump her when he is bored with her. It completely supports the notion that men can treat women badly and we should just accept it cos ‘he’s just not that into me’. That film actually made me so upset because of its sexist motives disguised as a feel good ‘chick-flick’. As women we should question everything


  7. @Catherine, I didn’t interpret either the book or the film that way. What I saw was some good advice to for a woman to notice the signs when a guy is not into you and to break that relationship as quickly as possible. To the author of this story, you were lucky this guy was upfront with you. It could have been worse. He could have used you for sex and then told you he wasn’t into you…or, as was my case, told you that he intended to marry somebody else. Count your blessings! And I appreciate that you found humour in your circumstance.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s