My First Experience of Sexual Assault

It happened shortly after my 12th birthday, he was a good family friend – I had met him when I was 9 years old. The day he started sexually abusing me was pretty ordinary, he came to pick me up from school as he sometimes did with permission from my mother. We went to get milkshake and he said he’d like to take me for a drive to Rhodes Memorial. I was quite excited as I had never been to there before so off he drove.

He found a quiet spot to park and asked me if I had seen a penis before, I found his question odd and replied no. He said I was pretty girl and when my breasts start growing boys will want to take advantage of me so he will make it his duty to make sure that doesn’t happen. As this stage I was totally blank as to what the connection was between having seen a penis and boys taking advantage of me because of my breasts! He then unzipped his pants, took out his penis and asked if I wanted to touch it. I shook my head, looked out the window and asked him to take me home. He ‘kindly’ mentioned that wasn’t a question but an order and proceeded to remind me that we were stuck in the middle of nowhere and he could do worse to me if I wasn’t co-operative. I was startled by all this and how aggressive his tone was, when I looked up to his face I noticed that he wasn’t joking.

I unwillingly touched his penis, not even sure where or how I should be touching it. He guided me to stroke the shaft and go down all the way to his balls. I had never been that disgusted in my entire life. What disgusted me the most was the sound of his breath while this was taking place and the fact that he wanted to stick his tongue in my month!!! He squirted pre-cum and took my head with one hand and guided it to his crotch and ordered me to take his penis into my mouth.

"Beyond Rape" by Lisa DeJong
I nearly puked. I had never experienced fear, disgust and humiliation in such an intense combination before. Fear that he might kill me, fear that no one would believe me. I wished to be dead rather than live through that experience.  When he was satisfied he asked me to slip a finger in my pussy but I couldn’t move, it was almost as if I was suddenly paralyzed into non action and all I could do was cry. He put his penis back into his pants, told me to stop crying and made it clear that I was under no terms to tell anyone about the incident. He dropped me at home, that evening I couldn’t eat or touch my books. I bathed twice and washed my mouth numerous times but I still felt dirty inside. I felt dirty about the secret I had to keep.

That day was the beginnings of 14 months of sexual abuse that followed where I got introduced to oral sex. My biggest fear was that he would rape me as he had started indicating that we wanted to be the first person to have sex with me.

5 thoughts on “My First Experience of Sexual Assault

  1. thanks for sharing this with us. Some of us still find it very hard to tell our childhood experiences of sexual assault

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  2. I am so angry after reading this. It mirrors my own experience. I am so sorry it happened to you. So sorry you went thru this. And for what its worth, thank you for having the courage to live through it and write about it so plainly and honestly about it now.

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  3. that was very touching, i was sexually harrased at the age of 14…it wasn’t that bad, but it affected me very badly so I can just imagine how it was for you. I hope that you got through it and I hope that you are living a happy life now, because you deserve it….

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