I had my first orgasm about three years and one partner after I lost my virginity. The first guy I slept with was selfish both in and out of bed, and thus the sex was average at best. Foreplay was minimal and his technique was – for a supposedly very sexually experienced man – decidedly poor. Sex became more of a chore than a pleasure and being inexperienced and unconfident I thought the reason I wasn’t feeling satisfied or pleasured was because I was at fault, because my bits weren’t working as they should.
My next bedroom partner was a whole different kettle of fish. He was not just equally concerned with my pleasure, but probably more so than his own. Endless foreplay, glorious technique. For about two years, however, the big O was still a no show. I was feeling a whole lot more pleasure than ever before and I was getting to the ‘brink’ every time, but never quite got there. Despite this I was loving sex for the first time and couldn’t get enough of it. Sex was fine without orgasm, I thought (this was before I knew what I was missing out on!).
I did wonder why I still couldn’t come. For the first year of our new relationship I was on anti-depressants, and the brand that I was on stated that one of the side-effects was inhibited orgasm (just what you need when suffering from depression!). But, even when I finished taking them, I still wasn’t getting off.
Then suddenly, one day, I came. I had stopped focussing on the fact that I wasn’t coming, had actually accepted that it might not happen and then – BOOM – it snuck up on me. When I let go of my inhibitions and my expectations, there it was, hiding behind them. And, man, was it worth the wait! My husband asked me the other day to explain what an orgasm felt like for me – I think he was a little in awe of how I react each time when I come: out of control, loud and as jerky as Beyonce’s dance technique (apparently this looks sexy, I’m not so sure).
This was my answer – it starts as a wild, pulsing heat down below and this heat quickly ripples through the rest of my body in massive shockwaves of pleasure. You could ask me my own name in that moment and I wouldn’t know – my brain completely empties and I am wholly at the mercy of my body. Compared to what I actually feel, that is a crappy, cheesy description, but its the best my little head can come up with. It seemed to satisfy my husband’s curiousity and stoke his envy a little…considering the average clitoris has twice the amount of nerve endings than the penis, and concentrated into a much smaller space, the female orgasm has the potential to be that much more explosive (another reason to be happy to be female!).
I now regularly enjoy orgasms and even find I tend to get cranky if I haven’t had one in a while! There is something so head-clearing, and perspective-making about something so simple and yet so pleasurable that you can share with the person you love. And multiple orgasms – what’s not to love?! From time to time I still ‘chase’ my orgasm away if I’m stressed or too hung up on getting there, but I know its just around the corner and will pop back to say hi soon.