The First Time I Wished I Had Parents

I want to be a great mother one day and maybe that will always be enough. It will always be enough for me because I want to be the mother and teacher to my children my mother never was.

I come from a broken home. Both my parents were complete failures at just being parents. I would have preferred to have them there and be bad at it than to not have them there at all.

I was just 6 years old when I last lived with my mom.


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I went to boarding school, stayed with other family members and moved schools a lot in my junior days. I did have support from other family members but it was not the same; it will never be the same.

I have never known what it is like to call my mom when I am sad, to tell her that I just bumped into an ex boyfriend or to have asked for advice when I got my first period. There have been a lot of conversations, a lot of good advice, a lot of laughs and a lot of moments I have missed out on.

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Growing up I was surrounded by friends who had the most wonderful homes. At times, it was hard but in the most part I got to experience a very small fraction of family life and I enjoyed every moment. I appreciated the times spent with them and their families – I was experiencing everything for the first time – my friends are my family.

I am blessed to have the most amazing friends and brother who all love me for me and have never once judged me. I know that it is hard for them yet they have never once failed not to be there for me when I needed them most. It has not been an easy ride for me; there have been bumps along the way.

Sometimes I get really sad and wish that things could be different but then reality kicks in and I lift myself up and I tell myself that there is nothing I can change. I know that I will have many more of these sad moments in my life and they will try and get me down but I will not let them. People tell me that they admire the person I have become and the obstacles I have had to overcome in my life.

I have already achieved greatness and I am truly proud of myself. I am happy, focussed and healthy.

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One thought on “The First Time I Wished I Had Parents

  1. I have been thinking about your story for a while and have been wondering what to say. It made me so sad when I first read it. It made me sad for the little girl; sad for the teenager and sad for the young woman. And please don’t misunderstand me, it only made me sad because I can’t imagine not knowing my parents and not having a safe haven to run to when I need it.

    At the same time, and especially after reading it for the second, and now the third time, it gives me hope. Your story is about hope and knowing yourself and being stronger because of it. You appear to have had such a strong base around you with your friends, your brother and other members of your family that I really think you will be a fantastic mom like you want to be one day. Family, even immediate family is not necessarily just about your parents, it can be so many more people than that, as you clearly demonstrate.

    So finally getting to my point, I no longer feel sad, I feel hopeful that you will be the change you want to see in your life and that definitions of family and parents can be blurred and that you will be ok in the long run. I’m just sorry you had to go through this in the first place.

    Like

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