My First Thoughts on Make Up

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I have always envied beautiful people – how effortlessly and gracefully they move through life. How easy it seems for them, how difficult it is for me. I generally then console myself with “but I have a personality.” Ridiculous really. To be fair, most of these ‘beautiful people’ that I know have personalities too, and they are great, and I am sure that the ones that I don’t know are just as nice. Then my envy just multiplies.

Why is it I can’t be happy with my flabby arms and thick-set legs; my rounded stomach and frizzy hair. Why can’t I look effortless like people I know who do the same amount of ‘prep’ work on themselves that I do?

As I type this I see how silly and trivial this is. I am smart, I am successful, I am fun, and most of all I am me. But I still have these insecurities about myself, about my looks. My worst feeling is when I dress up “to the nines”, feel great and sexy and then I walk into a room and feel like the ugly duckling all over again. Who even knows why: perhaps it is a look/ a comment/ disinterest.

Makeup generally masks these insecurities for me (even if it’s just between the time I leave the house and enter this room full of beautiful people.) I love it. I feel secure and happy and attractive when I put makeup on.

Again, ridiculous isn’t it? Especially as my feminist tendencies are screaming at me to stop with this nonsense.

Image from http://www.weheartit.com

I know I look different and perhaps that mask aids me in pushing through boundaries that I feel otherwise might escape me. I get to flirt with the hot guy who if he does not flirt back I immediately think it’s because of my looks, or my weight, or both. Even with the not so hot guy, the same insecurities abound if his attention on me is lacking. In my head it all boils down to my face, and my body, because lets be honest, no one is trying to ‘see my personality’ before judging me on how I look.

I am not an unattractive person but I feel unattractive. Alot. Makeup lets me live in my dream world where my fantasies come true. I put it on and my lips are a little bit sparklier, my eyes a little more prominent and my face flushed with a healthy glow and then WHAM the feeling of being attractive envelopes me again.

Pretty sad I know, but it helps me through.

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4 thoughts on “My First Thoughts on Make Up

  1. I agree with each every sentence of this! I have a love / hate relationship with make up – can’t live without it, but feel like my dependency on it betrays my feminist outlook. C’est la vie.

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  2. This whole prettyfying oneself thing is hard. But you know, we’ve all got hangups.

    I love lipstick and searched the ends of the planet till I found the right colour- and she turned out to be Mac Film Noir; a dark cocoa brown. I cannot live without it.
    Even after discovering that they put all kinds of crap into lipstick.

    Maybe you should try doing something funky with your hair so that you don’t have this dependence on make up… the irony with make up is that too much of it can work against you…
    The best tip about beauty is – its all in the hair style, the one that suits you, that makes you feel sassy, strong, confident in your own way…

    its so hard to believe that you are beautiful in this crazy world… but i think there’s objectively beautiful people, they just are nice to look at, they’re like that, that’s what nature gave them. Like Brad Pitt; Blair Underwood or like Aishwarya Rai or Madonna’s toyboy Jesus….

    Like these people are just pretty. You can’t do nothing about it, and its ok; they got kinda lucky.

    they are like 5% of the population.

    but then, the rest of us, we’re like an artfully skew, rusty piece of metal…. it’s just so artfully skew, with all these hues and tones … you know… you’re just yourself…
    People like grace jones…. just gorgeous…

    gotta appreciate the artful rusty metal you…

    i mean sure scarlett johannson is pretty and i hate her for it…but pretty people have huge issues too

    a) have to deal with so much insecurity that you will lose your looks
    b) deal with the reality that most people only look at you for your looks
    c) deal with these awful, usually very chauvinist, men who only want you as a trophy…

    i was amazed by how all my pretty friends had such troubled relationships…

    this is not their fault; it’s the fault of a world that says that their looks are supposed to be some kind of trophy for men and some kind of threat to other women

    so i was like argh; i can get by!
    and i did. ok, so one doesn’t get the attention of the hot looking boys most of the time;
    but one gets enough to get by.

    so in the end; its a funny thing – pretty girls end up having such a hard hard time trying to be themselves precisely because they are pretty!

    meanwhile, the rest of us who are skew are so hard on ourselves because we think we’d get more attention if we were prettier… we would get attention but it can be toxic

    so in the end… the insecurity around our looks is just another one of those horrid unnecessary burdens…

    crazy stupid world.

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  3. oh my, I have the same feelings, how does it seem so easy for other people to look so good and for me to feel like the ugly duckling. You are not alone, but hey, the duck turned into the swan, so there is hope. Someone out there thinks you are a swan.

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