For many years I was in a relationship with a man who I loved dearly. The only problem, he did not love me the same way. He was the kind of man who had his cake (me) and liked to sample all the other cakes in the bakery. To me I was his trophy girlfriend and as I result, I was betrayed more times than I would like to admit. I never understood why how or why anyone could do that to another, especially someone they knew loved them with all of their heart and soul. Today I continue to imagine why he must have done such a thing when I gave him all of me and more than I should’ve ever given anyone. I gave away parts of me to a man who never deserved them or me.
Throughout this time my mother was incredibly supportive and gave me numerous reasons as to why I should never stoop to his level and why I should never do to anyone what he had done to me. Today however, my view of mother has changed.
My mother has been in love with a man that is married for a very long time. I however, never thought that she would ever be the other woman. The woman that I had learned to hate throughout my betrayals. The woman that I never understood as I could not fathom ever being, as in my mind it is inconceivable to be the woman who would cause another so much pain by helping her partner betray her. Today I learnt that my mother is that woman.
As much as I idolise my mother as a figure of strength as our lives together have not been easy. Especially seeing as she has felt what I have felt. BETRAYAL. She was in a relationship with a man who too liked to have his cake and sample all the others whilst they were together. I saw how this broke her and her spirit and how she yearned to make him love her as she did him. However, she has become the other woman to this married man and today, I do not respect her. I did not realise this until today as for the first time I saw them kissing. She does not know that I have seen it and I will never tell her as I know she knows that it is wrong.
But today, I am confused. How could a woman who has been through the same pain as I have and who knows exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end of such deceipt and heart break do that to another woman. I do not care that she loves him and that he loves her (I have witnessed how much they love each other by the way that they interact). What she is doing is in my mind utterly and completely wrong.
My heart breaks today in two ways. Firstly for her as she loves a man who will never leave his wife. Secondly in that she has become the woman that I have hated for so long and will no doubt continue to hate.
I have no idea how to comprehend what she has done and if I will ever forgive her for it.
As much as I love her, my heart is broken.