Women have always talked about how men cheat; the bastards! Our cheating; we don’t talk about as much. Or if we do talk how we cheated or were ‘the other woman’, we usually do it to correct, rectify, moralise on the mistake. I mean, after all, who wants to be a slore (as those silly Kadarshians put it)?
So we disguise our devious deeds as romance – ‘Like I wasn’t just the other woman, we’re in love him’ or like you were overwhelmed by his persistence and powers of seduction ‘Like, I tried but he just never took no for an answer’. What self-delusion and half-truths; you were part of the mating dance too!
Most people who cheat do so because they had the opportunity to act it out. When I tumbled into bed with this dude that didn’t belong to me, I really found that my whole mind was like in a haze. Morality just dissolved; like I just couldn’t think straight. I’m not surprised, sexual attraction is a kind of drug, isn’t it? I’d seen his partner plenty of times; and I knew he was really in love with her. When I saw her; I sort of felt a strange coolness; a surreal detachment as I processed the lies it took for her man to get himself to me. And then, the feeling would just pass. She was a lovely strong woman; I was a passing flitty thing; she was something more potent in his life; and that was that.
The first time it happened it was such a rush, such a thrill. I was surpised by the lengths he would go just to get to me; really. I thought maybe its because he is not afraid of taking the risk; as a woman, I would be way more cautious and strategic if I was cheating on someone. That’s why they get caught so easy; they’ll tell the dumbest lie to explain why they are late. And when I asked him about guilt; he was obviously free of it. The reason was, well, we weren’t in love; we didn’t really want to know much about each other; yet the sex was delicate, loving, and really awesome.
That was the problem right there; I suddenly realised that there was a huge grey area where sex was involved where morals and love could be ‘absent’ and yet a meaningful sexual connection develop with someone just for that one moment. I didn’t know this; but it certainly scrambled my moral circuit of my upbringing that said “Women only want sex with love” and “The only good sex is married sex” or “Women are more emotional; one-night stands can hurt you.” That stuff fell apart; and to be honest; I just breathed; realised this was me, right now and felt a wave of confidence about myself that had never happened before.
But let me not over-philosophise; taking someone else’s someone is messy business; better ended soon; lest you do end up being attached. So I have struggled to write this; because I really don’t feel guilty that I did that once upon a time and it feels like I should say I feel bad. I know if you’ve been cheated on, you must have hated the other person, they must have seemed selfish or desperate. Maybe it is selfish, it’s certainly is considered unacceptable; its risky (S.T.Ds).
Desperate? Well I wasn’t desperate; just very in need of having that person for a moment and then moving on. And I dont want it to seem as if I am justifying or glamourising my actions. I’m just saying – the first time I had sex with someone else’s man, I didn’t feel guilty and it was some of the best sex ever.