The First Time I Felt Truly Lost

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I have plans. I have dreams, I have hopes and I have fears. I had my life all mapped out, all my ducks in a row. And now, I just don’t know anymore.  I had a partner who loved me, a career on track and my health was better than ever. Then it all seemed to fall apart.

Don’t get me wrong though, it was no-one’s fault other than mine.  I let my partner go (we’re just too different); I have no job to go to (I am very picky); I let myself go and I was, I am, just miserable all of the time. I am lonely. I no longer have a job and I am fat. Pretty sad really. BUT, I can solve at least 2 of these things, perhaps even 3.

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Firstly, I can get healthy again.  It’s a matter of focus and commitment, to wanting more from myself. It’s doing what is difficult, but for ME, for no-one else.

The job situation, well, I have plans. I still don’t want to compromise, for fear if I do I’ll be giving up on myself, so after every interview, if I don’t get a call back, that’s the time to carry on searching again. I don’t believe everything happens for a reason. There is no reason for anyone to be in constant turmoil and doubting themselves and their capabilities. I believe everything just happens and I believe this because when the right thing comes along for me, it will.

And finally, the lonely aspect. There is nothing I can really do about this, save for focusing on ME and holding my head up and ensuring I allow myself into situations where there is potential to meet new people.

Feeling lost and alone and unhappy sucks. And it seems that others don’t really get it because they all are enjoying their happy lives in their own happy bubbles and I don’t want pity, no one wants pity. But you know what?

Still talk about it. Sometimes you just need to get it out. Sometimes you need others to know you’re going through this, because if you don’t you’ll retreat into yourself, further and further and remain there. It is hard and especially so when everyone around you seems to be happy and well and you don’t want to always be the downer. But don’t keep it inside, don’t remain isolated, because since I have spoken about my angst (which is quite trivial in comparison to many people go through) I feel better, happier, and like I can actually do something about it.

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2 thoughts on “The First Time I Felt Truly Lost

  1. Thank you for writing this. I can definitely relate to the three things you discuss. The job part I am employed but miserable in my job and even though I’ve been applying for other jobs for what seems like forever, I know I’ll get a job that suits me. I live alone so I understand how lonely it can get, I try to keep myself busy so I don’t think about it too much. I’m going for swimming lessons and have taken up a salsa dance class. I’ve also started going to the gym. This not only keeps me busy but also tackles the weight aspect of my life. In the last 5 months, through walking and eating differently I’ve lost 15kgs, and started going to the gym yesterday, so I know I’ll lose more. It’s having the confidence that I can do it that keeps me going, and the knowledge that if I put my mind to it, I can achieve so much. All the best in rebooting yourself and believe me, you are not alone…

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  2. you are definitely not alone… i think so many women go thru these same hurdles. i know i am. u kinda wake up one day and think.. gosh what has happened? i’m overweight, desperate for a change in my work life.. and love life (non-existant). i want new friends and to meet people who are like me! reading the way u deal with and plan on dealing with these issues inspires me! thanks!

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