One of my best friends is a boy.
I have been told that in any friendship between a girl and boy the relationship reaches a fork and there are two options. The friendship route, where you become the best of friends and you confide in each other and it almost becomes like the brother you never had or the one you always wished you had. Or you can choose the romantic route where your friendship becomes the foundation of a wonderful relationship. Once you choose a route that is it. There is no turning back. Because the friendship road, once taken, becomes tangled up with such indepth knowledge of one another and they become so valuable to you as the person that you share everything with that if you chose to throw sex into the mix you know that it could ruin possibly the best thing ever in your life. So you stay on the friendship road because you never want to lose your best friend.
Now if you take the relationship road then you run the risk of it going horribly wrong and being damaged by this person. You also run the risk of being wonderfully happy. It’s a risky road, but it could lead to such happiness. It could also result in such immense pain AND you may have lost out on a friend as well. Because, lets face it, it is almost impossible to be friends after a break up. I don’t care what people say, I have yet to be friends with an ex. It hurts too much. I especially do not want to deal with them moving on and listening to all the stories about the other person.
Often the decision is made without you really having a choice in the matter. It just sort of happens and then you find yourself with a best friend. He becomes your person. Your closest friend. The guy you call when everything is going wonderfully. The person you call when your world is crumbling around you. He tells you the truth and sometimes it makes you cry, but mostly it’s what you need to hear.
He makes it very clear when he doesn’t like what you have done or who you have done. And you tell him the same. You know each other almost inside out and for all intents and purposes you are in a relationship. To the outside world you are a couple, to the strangers who see you together every day doing normal everyday things you are a unit. Even to your close friends you become a unit and if only one of you rocks up to a function the inevitable question is: “Where is so and so?” and you can respond because you know. Because you know most things about that person.
Here is the tricky part. How do you stop yourself from wondering why there isn’t more. Why he only wants to be friends. Why he cant be more than your friend. Why he cant be your friend and your lover. You see him make mistake after mistake with women. You are perfect for him, but he cant see it. You are relegated to the friendship realm and are doomed to stay there for eternity. Is it doom? It feels like doom sometimes. Because sometimes, when you feel lonely, you want more than just a hug. But the thought of losing him feels like the greater doom.
As much as I want for this to be more, I never want to imagine a life without him. So I talk to him about the guys I am interested in and I listen to his girl woes and I give him advice and because I know him and I know his faults I can tell him where he is going wrong and I can encourage or discourage certain behaviour. It hurts to do this. But it is worth it.
We took the friendship road. I hope we grow old together walking this road. Every road has it’s pot holes and slippery sections. But our road also has an amazing view, the scenery far outweighs the discomfort. So I will keep walking it and hope that I find a man who is as wonderful as my best friend.