I cannot believe the turnaround my life has made. About three months ago I was consulting Psychologists and taking medication for a deep, dark hole which had encompassed my life. I was lost. The pain I felt at the betrayal cut raw into my veins every day, it hurt so bad I couldn’t move or think. I felt as if my life was over even writing this I feel tears well up inside of me as I turn my head to the sun trying my best to struggle past the feeling I thought I could never stand against. I grew spiritually and emotionally and after the struggle I had with my inner demons I found I can now thank the people who caused this most excruciating part of my life.
It’s hard to tell you exactly what went wrong. There is no point in my mind when I could honestly say I heard a snap of breaking bones and hearts, but try as I might I have looked for the point when I should have just thrown in the towel and let it all go but I just cannot find it. I stood my ground and was a good friend but sometimes the problem is not you, its them, this will probably be the most important advice you will ever receive. I have gone through this over and over in my head wondering what I did wrong to deserve this, and I come up blank, I have always been the one to shoulder blame when things did not go right and I often found myself drowning under stress and strain which did not actually belong to me. Let it go. Be free, live your life.
The Queen Bee to you I say be gone. I let you into my heart and home and you betrayed me. I gave you a warm bed and food when you had nowhere else to go and you turned the knife in my back. You lied, and you stole from both my sister and I and you stole the most important possession I had and made a mockery of it. Your life is nothing but your own undoing. Shoulder your blame, understand you made mistakes and move forward. As of this day I forgive you and I forget you.
The golden buzzer. You tried to get me fired, you lied. We went our separate ways a year ago and it should have stayed that way. You have never been a true friend. You back-stabbed and gossiped your way where you are. You take drugs and I disagree with your infidelity. Shoulder your blame. As of this day I forgive you and forget you.
The over-used. You my friend and mentor were the biggest disappointment. You caused two young girls to quit with your disgusting low handed behaviour. You never paid us and you never thanked us. Face the facts and forget about the lies. To you I say this, you drink too much, and have very bad relationships with your children, your life is empty and you are not wanted. I feel sorry for you no more. I was never your daughter, I was your employee. I forgive you and forget you.
The philanderer. You drew me into your web and sucked me dry when I had no more left to give you tossed me aside. You stole from me. You caused rifts in other relationships because of your lies. I never did sleep with you and I never would have as I may be the first and last girl you will ever find who is just not that kind. You have sex for money and cannot bear to be home with your wife and kids which is incredibly sad. You have mountains of debt and police charges which you just keep running away from. I forgive you and forget you.
Last but not least to myself. You made mistakes everyone does, you have picked yourself up and dusted yourself off and are willing to try again, for this I am proud of you. Your heart was ripped apart by people who did not deserve to be there in the first place, learn from these mistakes. Learn to trust again, but with people who trust themselves, learn to love again but with people who love you back and most of all learn to be positive in your new life and adventure.
To the few who stood by me: A, V, B and to a new relationship which has made me see the light K, I hold you all so dear in my heart and even though I may be moving away you will always mean the world to me. Thank you for being there for me when everyone I had been relying on was not. To the above mentioned people, you caused months of heartache and tears for me, but I thank you. You have given me the strength to break out of a bad habit which I should have left behind years ago and have allowed me to grow into the person standing here today saying: “This is me world, I’m ready”