My First Time With Cancer

I have two daughters and since their birth I have been very very health conscious.

We ate veggies, stayed away from sugars and fats. We exercised and did everything right. So I thought. As young adults, they moved to Cape town.  I divorced and decided to move to Cape Town too. Very excited at the prospect of a new life I went all out to prove myself.

I bought a flat, a new car, and worked really hard at my job. I am a psychiatrist. One fine day, or windy day, or rainy day that Cape Town always experiences I got up and literally said aloud to no one in particular (as I was alone) “I hate what I am doing” I was 58 and successful and earning good money. I was independent.  I loved Cape Town. I loved the amazing dance workshops and programmes that I attended.

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Yet I hated the work that I did. I was competent and excellent in what I did. But I hated getting up every morning, driving in the Cape Town traffic and getting to work.  I hated the concept of the  psychiatry that was the prevailing paradigm. My training and the prevailing paradigm was based on Newtonian mechanisms and biological treatments.

There was no soul or spirit in it. My soul and spirit yearned for the spirituality and soul that for me was the underlying process in many people who suffered from “psychiatric ” illnesses.

I felt trapped as I was unable to see a way out. I had spent money in training as a medical doctor and then specializing as a psychiatrist. I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone. I had to still earn a living.  These thoughts kept going on and on in my head. I spoke to my children and they kept saying  “you are earning so well”, so why rock the boat. In my heart I kept feeling that I could not justify  the huge flaws that I saw in conventional psychiatric methodology. One of which was prescribing medications that inevitably caused side effects

Over the months I began having weird symptoms and tiredness. I chalked it down to stress.  Then the bleeding began. With it the rounds of tests, and investigations and Doctors. One doctor after doing his tests informed me that I had nothing to worry about.  The gyaenacologist however was a different matter. She phoned and said  “I am sorry to say…….”

So I being a doctor myself got my results.  I checked them, and my first thought was —– Yippee  I do not have to do psychiatry any more !!!!!    I have a very legitimate way out.  I knew that I had to take care of the cancer and sort it out. But I also knew that I would be ok. It’s as if my soul did the only thing it could, to get me out and protect me.

I went back to my home town, and had the surgery. I didn’t need any thing else. No medications, no chemotherapy. It is nearly a year now after the incident.  I am healthy, and very active. New vistas have opened for me, involving alternative healing modalities.  I have always been very alternative, and now it’s as if I have been given permission to revel in it without any censure.

Thus I believe that my cancer diagnosis was a friend and a wakeup call to “BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THIS WORLD”

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